So, what about socialization? This is often the first question a homeschooling mom or dad is asked when the subject of homeschooling comes up. I often wonder where does this question come from? What is it about our society that deems this particular issue of utmost importance in a child's life? As Christians we need to explore this question in light of scripture and make decisions for our children based on God's Word. First, we must understand what socialization is and is not, and we must find out what God's Word has to say about it.
The dictionary definition of "socialize" is: to make more friendly, cooperative, or pleasant toward others. According to scripture, God wants all of us to have these character qualities, so the question is, what is the best way to train our children to be this kind of person? Will they benefit the most from being with peers their own age, gender, background, or color, or will they learn more cooperation and kindness by being with people of all ages and backgrounds? Proverbs 13:20 says, "He that walketh with wise men shall be wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm." How will our children learn wisdom if they spend most of their time with others their own age? Often foolishness is compounded when several children are together, unsupervised. Children are easily swayed by others, especially when they are not yet grounded in the Word of God. What are some things that socialization can't do? In Jodi Decker's article in the Sept./Oct. issue of Homeschooling Today, she states that there are three things that socialization can't do. "First, it can't change your child's inherent God-given personality." Some children tend to be shy, or introverted. Homeschooling does not make them that way, and traditional schooling does not make them extroverts. We can encourage or guide tendencies in our children, but God made them a certain way for a special purpose. "Second, socialization can't change your child's maturity level." All children mature at different rates, not only socially, but also physically, emotionally and mentally. In many ways homeschooling gives a greater allowance for those difference than a traditional classroom. Parents have an understanding of their child like no one else in the world. Classroom situations can exacerbate the problem if a child is either lagging behind or ahead in maturity. "Third, socialization can't automatically be learned in school and not at home." I have often told my children that the true test of whether or not they have learned cooperation and kindness is shown in their behavior toward their family. There is no better place for a child to learn respect and honor than at home toward their parents. There is no better place to learn to get along with others than at home with their siblings. Getting along with friends is much easier than getting along with family. There is nothing wrong with spending time with friends, in fact we benefit from good relationships, but God set up the family to be the primary relationships in our lives. God's Word has many things to say about our responsibilities as parents. Proverbs 22:6 says, "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Ephesians 6:4 says, "And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath; but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." These verses give the primary "training" responsibility to the parents. In fact nowhere in scriptures does it state that peers are necessary for this training. No one loves my children as much as my husband and I do, and no one will train them and teach them in the same way we will. That is the way that God intended it. God put each child in our family for a purpose and it is our job to help them be all that God intends. Being a parent and training our children takes quality and quantity time. Deuteronomy 6:6-7 says, "These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up." We are not only to train our children in the ways of the Lord, but we are to do it DILIGENTLY. We must have quantity time in order to the job diligently as God has directed us to do. So, parents are to be the primary trainers, correctors, and teachers of the children God has blessed them with. The Pearables website sums it up well in their article, The Truth About Socialization,
"Scripturally, the parent and the family is all that is necessary for a child to be trained up correctly, if that training is based on God's Word. We no longer need to be afraid that if we are careful of our children's associations we will cause irreversible psychological damage to them! It is actually quite the opposite. We could cause spiritual harm to our blessed offspring if we AREN'T careful of SOCIALIZATION."So how does this relate to missionaries and boarding school? First, missionaries are just as likely to think that "socialization" is essential for the well being of their children as those of us in the states. Sometimes it is hard for us to break out of the paradigm that we experienced when we were kids. Most missionaries have a challenging situation being overseas. There are not as many opportunities for group interaction and friendships at times. Sometimes it is not practical or possible for the children to develop friendships with nationals. Getting together with other missionaries that are homeschooling might be an option. If not, remember that God knows the situation and will use this experience in their lives for good. So, is boarding school the answer for these tough situations? This is a tough question to answer because there are many wonderful boarding schools around the world, and many wonderful teachers and dorm parents that have devoted their lives to the children of missionaries. As with many decisions in life there are options that might be categorized good, better and best. This might be one of those decisions, and the right decision may be different for each family. I know a missionary family where the parents were raised in boarding school and had good experiences, but have chosen to keep their kids at home. I know of a woman that was homeschooled for high school in Japan many years ago. Her parents were missionaries during those years and they were lonely years for her. She reminded me, however, that loneliness is not a bad thing. God can use even hard situations in our lives for good. I know another family that has homeschooled for several years, but has decided to stay in the states for these high-school years, because it was the best decision for their family. I know other families whose children are in boarding school and are doing fine. Each family must prayerfully decide what is best for each child based on God's Word. We need to consider not just what is good, but what is best.
In summary, it is clear that parents must carefully think through the socialization issue, recognizing that in order to raise cooperative, kind, loving children we may need to make different choices than "the way it has always been done." Socialization cannot change inherent, God-given personalities and maturity time lines, in fact it can often hinder. We have a responsibility, scripturally, to make family relationships the priority. We must choose what is best for our family, keeping in mind that "The good is the enemy of the best."